Couples Therapy Revised
by Beautifully Tragic Girl
Summary: When Morrible hears Elphaba and Fiyero argue she sends them to couples therapy with the infamous Dr. Dillamond. Hilarity ensures. Shiz Era.


**Disclaimer: Uh…definitely not mine. **

**A/N: Oh, wow, I haven't done one of these in nearly over a year. So let's get on with it. Okay, I know that I have been pretty non-existent for the past year and I want to apologise terribly to those who were following me and I want a big shout out to my PM buddies who didn't hear from me for a long time. I'm really, really, really sorry for that. **

**Moving on, the reason I wasn't on FFN for a while was that one of my cousins, who shared my Wicked obsession, died in a car accident late last year before Christmas and I kinda lost my way for a while…actually more like a year. Anyways, I went to New York with my family and watched Wicked and was blown away by it and I found myself here again. **

**Right, Wicked on Broadway was amazifying and I can't believe how good it was, although I think the Australian cast with Jemma Rix and Lucy Durack was better, I still loved it. Albeit, the Elphaba I had was a little flat, I still loved it. I also saw Mary Poppins and Phantom of the Opera, which are both brilliant and I highly recommend them. **

**Okay, this story is a revised version of one I wrote when first on FFN, I liked it so much that I decided to expand on it and give it more detail and plot. I hope you enjoy it because I certainly missed FFN while on my hiatus. Oh, and anyone following Falling Over Again, that will be update when I get back home. I'm in Canada at the moment on holidays. So you'll have to wait a little longer. Sorry , on with the story. **

***Looks back at A/N* …um, sorry it was so long.**

**Oh, and Dillamond isn't a goat, I just needed a name. **

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><p><strong>Couples Therapy<strong>

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"You're impossible. All you ever care about is yourself."

"That's because I'm the only thing worth caring for."

"Why you insolent, idiotic—"

A door was suddenly cracked open revealing a very distressed looking Madame Morrible, who was practically seething, "Madame Morrible, fancy seeing you here," Fiyero said adding a small wave at the end. Morrible just stood there glaring at the two students.

"Well considering this is my office," she said gesturing to the door, "What were you two doing?"

Elphaba chuckled nervously, "Erm...we're just going now. Come on Fiyero." She tugged on his sleeve; mentally scolding herself, _Why did we have to argue in front of Morrible's office? Of all the places._

"Don't tell me what to do!" Fiyero yelled.

She glared at him, "Shut up."

He shut up immediately. Why did she have to be so...intimidating.

"Here," Morrible said giving them some sort of ticket. Fiyero was about to grab the tickets when Elphaba snatched them out of Morrible's hand.

"What are they?" Elphaba asked.

Fiyero feigned shock, "Is it possible that Elphaba the smartass of Crage Hall doesn't know something."

"Shut up."

"Anyway," Morrible said changing the subject, "They're tickets to Dr. Dillamond, They were meant for my husband and me, but I see you need them more than we do."

Elphaba looked at Fiyero and blushed, a nice rosy colour tinging her cheeks.

"But I don't want to go to some dumb show," Fiyero whined.

"Can it, Tiggular," Elphaba snapped.

Suddenly Morrible's phone rang, "What!"

Elphaba and Fiyero heard some muffled yelling in the phone and glass shattering. They glanced at each other unsure on what to do.

"PHIL, IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOUR STUPID DOG CHEWED THE TELEPHONE LINE!"

They both heard more yelling and more glass shattering. Elphaba shifted in her spot, finding her worn shoes more interesting, whilst Fiyero had developed an interest in her.

"STOP CALLING ME AT WORK, IF YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH, MARRY HER THEN!" She hung up the phone and threw it against the wall, smashing it to pieces.

Elphaba and Fiyero looked at each other again, "Um...are you sure you don't want the tickets back?" Fiyero asked.

"NO, It's fine," she yelled and slammed the door in his face.

Fiyero blinked.

Her eyes soon met his. "So what are we going to do?" she asked after a while.

Fiyero merely shrugged. "I guess we have to go," he grumbled bitterly.

Elphaba searched his eyes, trying to read him, finally she gave a dejected sigh. "I guess so."

**The Next Day**

"Hello, I'm Dr. Dillamond and welcome to the show. The topic we are discussion today is arguing couples!" Dr. Dillamond announced avidly. The audience cheered.

"Couples?" Elphaba said in a half-whisper, half-shout to Fiyero once they were backstage.

"Dammit, this was meant for Morrible and her husband," Fiyero groaned, the realisations and implications of this dawning over him.

"Please welcome, Elphaba Thropp and Prince Fiyero Tiggular!" Dr. Dillamond beamed. Deafening fan girl screams could be heard as well as confused grunts and gasps of horror as Elphaba stepped on stage.

She rolled her eyes and said, once the audience was quiet, "No, I'm not seasick, yes, I've always been green and no I didn't each grass as a child! So what are you all looking at?"

The audience said no more about her odd pigmentation.

Elphaba and Fiyero took their seats. Elphaba immediately eyed the sea of people. Dr. Dillamond smiled at the camera, before getting down to business, "So I never knew you two were together."

"Pfft, neither did we," Fiyero mumbled, gaining a laugh from the audience, as well as a few appreciative looks from the women in the crowd.

"We're not together," Elphaba clarified determinedly. Some sounds of relief were heard as well as some disappointed huffs.

"So you're both single?" the doctor clarified, also getting caught up on the latest gossip. Even though it had nothing to do with why they were there, but Fiyero being Fiyero had to steal the spotlight for himself.

"Yes, Prince Fiyero Tiggular is single at the present moment," winking at the audience. The women, once again, resumed their deafening fan-girl screams and Elphaba rolled her eyes; covering her ears.

"Okay, let's get started," Dr. Dillamond said, "Madame Morrible says you've been you've been fighting a lot lately—"

"It's not just lately," Elphaba interrupted, "Every time I try to do something nice for him, he has to be a jerk and wreck it," throwing her hand up to emphasise her point.

Fiyero scoffed, "It's not my fault that your idea of nice is different from mine," he argued.

"Hey!" she retaliated in defence, "I've done plenty of nice things for you like helping you study for the finals at Shiz, because you can't be bothered to study for yourself, and it would have been better and a hell-of-a-lot easier if you haven't decided to throw that party in the library!"

"I think I received my just desserts in the end," he shuddered at the memory.

She pursed her lips in fury, "A week of library duties is not 'just desserts', as you so-eloquently put it."

Fiyero was about to say something when Dr. Dillamond cut him off, "I can see what Madame Morrible meant," he said weakly fearing how the rest of the session would go.

They sunk back into their seats and muttered profanities of the other under their breaths.

"Okay, from my past experience, I realised the main reason people argue is because they're different," Dr. Dillamond alleged.

"Yeah, I'm not some, jerky, conceited prince," Elphaba snapped back.

"Oh yeah, how are _you _normal?" he quipped at lightning pace, "You and that freakishly intelligent brain of yours."

_Typical, he would find intellect as an insult._ "Intelligent, such a long word for such an underdeveloped brain of your calibre," she mocked and patted him on the head patronisingly. The audience laughed and Fiyero sunk lower in his seat.

"So, I'm guessing that because you're different you argue?" Dr. Dillamond concluded and not a moment too soon, he was getting a headache from their constant bickering.

Elphaba sunk lower into her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. "He doesn't pick on anyone else, it's only me. It's like he hates me or something," she concluded meekly as he looked away in embarrassment.

"Okay, so maybe difference isn't the reason you two argue," the doctor confirmed, dolefully, trying to rack his brain for another reason, then smiling at the camera, "Some people argue to take out pressure."

"Prince Fiyero Tiggular, does not do pressure," he announced arrogantly.

Elphaba rolled her eyes, "And we get along with all our classmates, well more than him, than me, but we still get along."

"I'm not talking about other people, I'm talking about you two," Dr. Dillamond announce cunningly, looking at the camera, "Do you put pressure on each other?"

Dr. Dillamond turned to Elphaba and Fiyero, who were mouthing insults at each other.

Fiyero pulled back, "No," he answered casually. Dr. Dillamond gave a disbelieving smile.

"Now, now, Fiyero. We're all friend here, tell the truth," the doctor said, "do you ever push her buttons? Just for the fun of it?"

"Well—uh—Maybe…" he fumbled as Elphaba turned to glare at him. "Maybe…just a _little_," he emphasized unnecessarily.

"A _little_?" Elphaba deadpanned.

"A little, a lot? Who cares?" he retorted annoyance lacing his tone.

Dr. Dillamond turned to Elphaba, "Now, what about you. Do you get a kick out of proving Fiyero wrong or annoying him?"

Elphaba scoffed at the doctor's choice of wording before answering, "No."

"No?" he asked incredulously, "because if you do it's perfectly normal—"

"Normal is relative with her," Fiyero muttered creating a wave of laughter to surge through the crowd.

Elphaba ignored him, "No. I _do not_ enjoy annoying him or proving him wrong. He is usually the one who initiatives the conversation in the first place."

Fiyero blanched momentarily before recovering, "I do not. You're the one who always begins the argument."

"That's because I cannot have one intelligent conversation with you!"

"You must think I'm really stupid," he concluded.

"No, not _really _stupid," she fired back.

"Maybe they just hate each other!" an audience member shouted.

Dr. Dillamond pressed his lips together. Elphaba looked away and Fiyero sent the audience member a stone cold glare.

"Okay, so you don't argue because you're different. You don't argue because you put pressure on each other. So enlighten me as to why you two argue," the doctor asked curiously, stumped there were two brains he could not figure out.

For the first time Elphaba and Fiyero had nothing to say.

"I don't know," Elphaba admitted.

"Okay, since I'm out of ideas. Argue with each other," Dr. Dillamond requested, "that way I can evaluate the situation—"

He turned towards Elphaba and Fiyero who were mouthing insults to each other, until they started verbalising them.

"It's not my fault that you're self-centred jerk, who only cares about himself," Elphaba said.

"You must think I'm really stupid," he said standing up to look at her.

"No not _really_ stupid," she said sizing him up.

He tried a different angle, "Why is it every time I see you you're causing some commotion?" Waving his arms to show her what he meant.

She stepped in front of him, "I don't cause commotions, I am one," gesturing to herself to emphasise her point.

"That's for sure," he murmured.

"Oh, so you think I should keep my mouth shut is that what you think?"

"No, what I'm saying is—" she cut him off.

"Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much? Don't you think I know how easier my life would be if I didn't," she said, she was dangerously close to him now.

"Elphaba," he said cupping her face and looking in her eyes, "Stop talking," and he kissed her. She stiffened at the contact, but eventually relaxed and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

The audience awed and the women in the crowd scowled.

Then finally, Dr. Dillamond understood their dysfunctional relationship, they didn't argue because they were different and not because they were pressuring each other or any other reason for the matter, except because they were head-over-heels, falling-over-a-cliff in love with each other.

"Wait!" a woman in the audience exclaimed, bringing Elphaba and Fiyero out of their kiss, "does that mean you're _not _single anymore?"

Fiyero shrugged and brought his lips down to hers again.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading if you're still here. I hope I'll be around for a lot longer without the hiatus. Also, feel free to leave a review, I don't care if you do or don't, but I would like to know if this sucked or not. Sorry for the terrible spelling and grammar this has not been proofed very well. I also apologise for any formatting difficulties that this document has. **

**Beautifully Tragic**

**Smiles**

**x **


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